At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
