Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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