apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
