That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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