You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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