am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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