sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
