Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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