return my video game
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
