i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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