i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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