I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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