Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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