I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
