all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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