So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Are my feet made of real feet?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
