Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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