that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
