ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
