it's too hot outside to masturbate.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
