I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
