please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
