We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
