When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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