All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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