I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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