Say something about gay babies.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
