I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
