I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
