I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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