mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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