We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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