I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
