nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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