shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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