I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My pussy is not your playground.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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