he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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