She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
be right there i have to get my cape
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
