I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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