either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This baby is an asshole
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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