I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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