He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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