yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
