i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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