My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Drunk is a universal language darling
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize