You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
