I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
