Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
