In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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