What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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