New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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