guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
