I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
