Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
