Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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